TITLE: "Anniversary Surprise"
AUTHOR: ASH Watcher/Slayer Watcher
RATING: Um, what??
SPOILERS: My fics: "Wild Thang", "Tweed Tweety?", and "Buffy Strikes Back"
SUMMARY: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elifino.<smirk>
DISCLAIMER: Again, I ask, "What?" J, J, and T...belong to themselves and everyone else doesn't. Pooh.....Oh and um, J, J, T, and me...we all share Giles. Right guys?? :D
DISTRIBUTION: ASH_WatcherFanfiction, ChosenDevotion, all others, ask
first. :)
DEDICATIONS: Um....<falls off the bed laughing> Oh, sorry, I'm better
now. Ouchy! Jen, Jamie, and Trish. You bring the insanity into my
life, even more than it already was. :D
AUTHOR'S NOTES: <shudder> Yet another fic, in the aptly
titled: "Adventures In Tweed" series!! This will be the *last*
one....right???? <whimpers>
*********************
Three girls sat at a table, with another girl who was tied up.
Literally. Jen, Jamie, and Trish were cackling evilly at the bound
girl, Gretchen. Gretchen had just been sitting at home, when she was
suddenly grabbed by three masked women. When Gretchen had been tied
up, the women revealed themselves. It was the dreaded Double Trouble
Manifesto, Plus One.
"All right, Gretchen. We've brought you here to write a new fic...and
you aren't leaving until it gets written," Trish said.
"That's right, Mistress Gretchen," Jamie added.
Jen just stood there, giggling like crazy...until someone handed her
a glass of water. Possibly a cat or a bunny...or even an Elefino.
<snicker>
Gretchen sighed helplessly, then nodded in resignation. The Double
Trouble Manifesto, Plus One....high-fived each other, then left the
room. Gretchen wiggled around, to no avail....she was good and tied.
She wondered if maybe Jen had been a calf-roper in a rodeo...those
knots keeping Gretchen tied to the chair, were very well tied.
Er...knotted? <shrug>
And while Jen, Jamie, and Trish flew off to Wal-Mart, Gretchen sat
and typed the following fic.
*************************
Buffy was thinking...and a thinking Buffy, wasn't always a good
thing. Her anniversary was coming up. It would be four months, since
she and Giles had started dating. She wanted to have a party....and
dress in Tweed....it was her "thing" now. Funny, Slaying used to be
her thing...well, all hope wasn't lost. Buffy hadn't done any Slaying
in Tweed....at least not yet. She was still young though, so anything
could still happen...and probably would.
Anniversary parties weren't exactly her forte...so she decided to
make a list of what she might need. A place to hold the party, food,
guests to invite, invitations to send out....and the list went on and
on. At least Giles wasn't home, he was down at the new Wal-Mart. It
had just opened the week before and now it seemed as if he was always
there. Maybe there was a good discount on their books?
*********************
Poor Buffy, she didn't have any idea, just what her boyfriend was
getting into at Wal-Mart. He'd quickly discovered, on his first visit
the week before, that Wal-Mart had lots of toys. He especially loved
the Barbie dolls. They reminded him of his Buffy. She, like the
Barbie dolls, was blonde and tiny. And Giles was just fascinated with
the hundreds of accessories, one could buy for Barbie. Why, Barbie
had a plethora of skimpy little outfits to choose from. Not to
mention, various means of transporation. And of course, all of
Barbie's houses and such, to live in.
Giles had a secret...he'd bought a Barbie and every accesory for her,
that Wal-Mart carried. But of course, he hadn't told Buffy...she'd
think him loony or worse, if she'd found out. So instead of walking
into the house with Barbie things, he'd been keeping them hidden in
the trunk. Fortunately, Buffy hadn't discovered his hoarde of Barbie
things. Yet!
Today, he'd been searching for the illusive Librarian Barbie. She was
said to be wearing a little tweed skirt and jacket. With little black
high heels...and she carried a little Tweed briefcase. Giles had been
at Wal-Mart for six hours...but hadn't found her yet. The woman at
the Customer Service desk, Gail, had told Giles that the Librarian
Barbie *was* in the store. But Giles was beginning to think that Gail
had been merely humoring him. Bloody woman.
Just as Giles was thinking about leaving Wal-Mart, his cell phone
rang. It was Buffy...she wanted to know if he'd gotten lost on the
way home from the store or something. If he hadn't, then why on earth
was he *still* at Wal-Mart? Giles mumbled some excuse, then quickly
hung up on her. There was no bloody way, he was going to tell his
girlfriend that he had a new obsession with Barbie. She was the
Slayer...and could very easily hurt him. <g>
************************
At the Summers-Giles home, Buffy was on the phone...well, she had
been. Then her boyfriend had hung up on her. The jerk! So, she called
up Willow and Cordelia...three-way chat. She'd barely given them time
to say, "Hello", before she'd started in on Giles.
"Giles has a new girlfriend!! And she works at *Wal-Mart*!!!"
"Huh? Buffy, what are you talking about??" Willow replied.
"Yeah, Buffy...what's this about Giles having a new trashy girlfriend
at Wal-Mart?"
"He's been going there *every* day, since it opened last week! Today,
he's been there for six *hours* now! And, when I called him a few
minutes ago, he hung up on me! Me!!!"
"Well...um...m-maybe he was just too busy to talk to you? Like...he's
in the middle of a good book down there?" Willow calmly suggested.
"Oh please! The only books that Wal-Mart sells, are "Where's Waldo?"
or books with that freaky looking "Barney" thing in them. Ya know,
Buffy's probably right...Giles is cheating on her," Cordy
rationalized.
"See! Cordy agrees with me...so what do I do now? Should I drive down
to Wal-Mart and confront him? Or should I wait till he gets home to
confront him?"
"Why don't you let things be, and then next time he leaves, follow
him there?" Willow joked.
"Ooooh! That's a brilliant idea, Willow! You guys wanna come with me?"
"Buffy, I was just kid-," Willow started to say.
"Yeah, I'll even drive!" Cordy interrupted.
"Great! Okay...he usually leaves here for Wal-Mart, at like 9AM...so
should we all meet here about 9:30?"
"Sounds good to me...oops, I gotta go, Angel's home. I'll see you
tomorrow, Buffy.
Bye Willow!," Cordy said, then abruptly hung up.
"Bye Cordy!," Buffy and Willow quickly said.
*******************
Giles finally gave up on his search at 10PM that night. He'd have
searched longer, but the store was closing. The staff all watched him
leave...and then traded various anecdotes about the "old, weird guy,
who liked Barbie". Giles drove home, and tried to think of a
plausible excuse to give Buffy,for his entire day at Wal-Mart. His
car pulled into the driveway...and a few seconds later, he walked
into the house. Buffy wasn't anywhere at first glance, so he called
her name.
No response came, so he jogged upstairs to look for her.
The bedroom was empty, as were the bathroom and guest bedroom. He
went back downstairs to look in the kitchen. Still no Buffy...the
living and dining rooms, were empty, too.
Sighing in confusion, tinged with worry, he called Willow & Tara.
There wasn't any answer at their house...so he called Xander & Anya.
They were....busy.
He called Wes & Spike...but they hadn't seen or
heard from Buffy in a couple of days. Cordy and Angel, were busy as
well...but they didn't know where Buffy was either. So, Giles
decided to take a walk, hoping he'd find Buffy out patrolling.
******************************
Buffy was indeed patrolling...and Heaven help any vamps she met up
with. Her boyfriend was cheating on her....so the vamps were getting
a pounding. She was whaling on a guy vamp, who bore an odd
resemblance to Giles...poor vamp never even stood a chance. Buffy
finally staked the pathetic looking vamp, then spun around and saw
Giles. He was standing there looking at her. Giles walked over to
give her a hug, but she ignored him. He pouted, but followed her as
she left the graveyard.
The Slayer, was still a bit peeved...but now she had the
whole "Hungry & Horny" post-Slaying thing happening. There was a
pizza in the freezer with her name on it(spelled out in olives). But
the horny thing? Buffy would be taking care of that herself tonight.
Giles hoped his girlfriend wasn't too upset with him. But then again,
he *had* witnessed her destruction of that lone vamp. He sighed...and
when they reached their house, she opened the door and went inside.
Giles went to follow her, but had the door slam shut in his face.
Only to hear the lock click into place. Bugger, he was locked out.
*************************
The next morning, he waited until Buffy had left the house...then he
snuck inside. Next, he ran upstairs and took a shower. He hadn't
heard Buffy come back, so when he was done with his shower, he almost
walked right into her. She was standing outside of the bathroom door.
Giles "eeped", then nodded at Buffy and walked past her, to their
bedroom. She followed him and then waited until he was dressed,
before confronting him.
"Rupert, when were you going to break things off with me, so you
could be free to take up a relationship with your new girlfriend?"
"Buffy, what on Earth are you talking about? You're the only woman
I'm seeing...and you're more than enough woman for me. I certainly
don't need two women!"
"Then why are spending hours upon hours down at Wal-Mart?! Does the
new hussy you're seeing, work there? Come on, fess up!"
He walked over and gently pulled her over to the bed. Then he sat her
down and took her hands in one of his. He brushed away a loose strand
of hair from her face, then told her how much she meant to him.
"Buffy, I love you so much...more than I ever dreamed I could
possibly love anyone else. I...I must confess about my endless hours
at Wal-Mart, though. You see...I've been buying Barbie dolls and
Barbie doll accessories."
Buffy blinked in stunned surprise. Her boyfriend...had a Barbie
collection? No bloody way!
"You....you have a Barbie doll collection? Since when?"
"Since...since last Wednesday. And I don't know why...but I find
myself drawn to her. Perhaps...because she's tiny and blonde, like
you are. In any case...now you know why I've been spending so much
time down at Wal-Mart."
"Okay...I'm going to leave the house now...and I'll try not to scream
in horror, as I do so."
Then Buffy got off the bed, and fled the house....she needed Willow
to calm her down.
*************************
Willow and Tara were busy making lunch, when there was a pounding on
their front door. Exchanging questioning looks, Tara went to see who
was there. It was Buffy....and she seemed very distraught. Tara
ushered her into the kitchen, and helped her sit down at the table.
Willow had a bad feeling she knew why Buffy was here....and Buffy
confirmed it right away.
"Well...I was right...Giles is seeing someone else..."
"Oh, Buffy...I'm sorry...is there anything we can do?" Willow asked
concerned.
"Um, you mean other than have a Barbie burning party?"
Tara gave Buffy an odd look. Barbie? What the...?
"Barbie? What are you talking about, Buffy?"
"Oh come on Willow! You know....Barbie...as in Barbie Doll? Ya know,
the thing you had that Xander ripped the head off, when you were
five?!"
"I know who Barbie is....but what does she have to do with anything?"
Willow questioned.
"Giles...his new girlfriend, is Barbie. Apparently he's been buying
Barbies and all their accessories....at Wal-Mart. Which is why he's
always there nowadays."
Giles collected Barbie dolls? Who knew? Tara had left the room by
this point...she didn't think she'd be able to help. Buffy didn't
know what she was gonna do...should she still continue planning the
anniversary party?
"Well...um...what are you gonna do? Do you wanna cancel the part for
this weekend or what?"
"I don't know, Wills. I mean, I know we all have our costumes picked
out already. You and Tara are going to dress up as Sleeping Beauty
and The Little Mermaid. Xander and Anya are supposed to dress up as
Roy Rogers & Dale Evans. Cordy and Angel, are gonna be Grumpy & Cheer
Bear...and Wes & Spike as Batman and Robin. I was gonna dress up as
Tweed Jane...leaving Giles as Tarzan. "<sigh>
***********************
Buffy left Willow and Tara's a little while later. She didn't want to
go home...but she didn't know where to go instead. She decided to
stop by The Magic Box...Anya might be able to help her out. She
parked and walked inside....Anya was sitting at one of the tables.
Buffy went over and sat down next to her.
"Hi Anya....can I ask your advice about something?"
"Oh, hi Buffy...sure, what do you need help with? Have you and Giles
run out of ways to make orgasms?"
Buffy blushed, then moved on to what she wanted to ask Anya about.
"Anya...I was wondering if you could help me get some revenge on
Giles about something."
"Sure, I can help you...after all, I used to help scorned women all
the time. What kind of revenge did you have in mind?"
"Well, see...Giles has recently gotten obsessed with Barbie dolls."
"What is a Barbie doll? And why does Giles like them?" Anya asked.
"Um, a Barbie doll is a plastic figure, with blonde hair, a teeny
waist, big boobs, and little girls love her. And I don't know why
Giles likes them, to be honest. So, um....do you think you can help
me?"
"I think so....have you pondered the idea of searching out his
collection of these dolls and getting rid of them somehow?"
"Well..I bet he's got 'em stashed in the attic...so I'll hunt for
them after I leave here. Now, how should I get rid of them? Hmm...,"
Buffy thought aloud, as Anya left the table to wait on a customer.
*******************
When Buffy got home, she ran upstairs and dug through the attic...but
she didn't see hide, nor hair of Barbie nor either one of her fake
boobs. So, Buffy decided to search the basement...but no luck there
either. The bedroom closet, yielded the same results. Frustrated now,
Buffy flopped down onto the living room couch. She began thinking of
anyplace else, in the house, that Giles' stash of Barbies could be
hiding.
"Wait a sec...what if the stash *isn't* inside? Maybe he hid it in
one of the cars? Or perhaps the backyard shed?" Buffy questioned out
loud.
Then she got off the couch and went outside to search his car. (He'd
taken hers, cuz it had more gas in it.) She knew the best place for
looking, would be the trunk...and voila! Buffy had never seen so much
*pink* in her life! There must have been at least, 200 Barbie
accessories...and about four or five Barbie dolls. Buffy went into
the garage and grabbed three big cardboard boxes. Then she went back
to the car, and began throwing Barbie stuff into each box. She wound
up filling all three boxes to the brim.
Hefting each box, she carried them into the front yard and dropped
them under a tree. Next, she went over and closed the car trunk. She
went inside to the kitchen, and after rummaging in the junk drawer,
found masking tape and markers. Then she went upstairs and found some
posterboard in the spare room. Buffy went back down to the dining
room and quickly made up some signs. Then she ran back outside and
stuck the signs up on the tree, mailbox, and a telephone pole.
************************
When Giles drove towards his house, he noticed something odd. There
was a sign on the telephone pole. It read: YARD SALE! The next sign
he saw, was on his and Buffy's mailbox...it read: YARD SALE HERE!
And, his front yard was covered with females...of all ages. They were
swarming all over the place and he couldn't figure out why. Until he
pulled into his driveway and got out of the car. Buffy was in the
middle of the yard, surrounded by the gaggles of girls and women. He
went over and kissed her cheek...she grinned at him.
Buffy wondered when he'd notice what the women and girls were doing
in the yard. She also wondered when he'd freak out. He fought his way
over to the girls and gasped in utter horror.
They...were...taking...his...Barbies! Buffy giggled, then waved, when
Giles turned to glare at her. After a few minutes, Giles gave up any
hope of saving his beloved Barbies. He went over and sat down on the
porch to pout.
An hour later, every Barbie accesory was gone...and Buffy had made
$100. She preened, then went over and plopped into Giles' lap. He
hugged her, but was still pouting. She kissed him on the cheek, then
hopped off his lap and went inside. Buffy put the money in her purse,
then grabbed her jacket and her man. She threw him(not literally),
into the car, then climbed into the driver's seat.
******************
Two hours later, they pulled into the parking lot of TOYS 'R' US. She
pulled him into the store and straight to the toy section. Giles just
about wet his pants...for there she was. Librarian Barbie, in all her
glory. Buffy smirked at his reaction...then took the doll and went to
pay for it. Giles followed her adoringly....and when the doll was
paid for, they got back into the car and went home.
"Now Giles...you can have the doll on one...no, make that *two*,
conditions."
"Anything, Buffy!"
"First, you have to swear on our first born child's life, that you
will NEVER show and tell this doll. And second, you'll have to wear
ANYTHING I pick out for you, for this weekend's party."
"Like I said, Buffy...I'll do anything!"
Finally, she handed him the bag from TOYS 'R' US and snickered when
Giles ran upstairs. Sighing in amusement, Buffy went to call Willow
and fill her in on the latest.
***********************
The party was in full swing when Giles walked in. Buffy had said
she'd had a couple of last errands to run, but she'd meet him at the
party. So now he was at The Bronze...dressed as bloody Tarzan. Tara,
Willow, along with the rest of their friends, were out dancing. He
went over to the bar and ordered himself a stiff drink. Then he went
over and found a table to sit down at.
Buffy arrived about twenty minutes later and headed towards Giles. He
saw her and the two kissed hello. The two of them waited until a
nice slow song played, before he asked her to dance. They held each
other and swayed to the music. She leaned up on tippy toes, and
kissed him sweetly. Giles returned the kiss, then their friends all
laughed, when he suddenly dipped Buffy. He pulled her back up and
then giggled when she pinched his butt.
**********************
Around midnight, the party broke up and everyone headed to their
respective homes. When Giles pulled into their driveway, and looked
over at Buffy...she was fast asleep. So he turned off the car, and
then carried her inside the house. She sighed as he lay her down on
their bed. He went to lock everything up, then came back
upstairs....he slipped out of the costume, leaving him in a pair of
black silk boxers. Climbing into bed, he spooned behind Buffy. She
smiled in her sleep, wrapped her arms up with his, then they both
fell asleep.
THE END!!!
Grrrr....
********************************************
OKAY, DID THIS SUCK? <frowns and pouts>
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